Category: RT Newswire

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
EXXON PROPOSES BURNING HUMANITY FOR FUEL IF CLIMATE CALAMITY HITS
Conference organizer fails to have Yes Men arrested

Text of speech, photos, video: http://www.vivoleum.com/…

Imposters posing as ExxonMobil and National Petroleum Council (NPC) representatives delivered an outrageous keynote speech to 300 oilmen at GO-EXPO, Canada’s largest oil conference, held at Stampede Park in Calgary, Alberta, today.

The speech was billed beforehand by the GO-EXPO organizers as the major highlight of this year’s conference, which had 20,000 attendees. In it, the “NPC rep” was expected to deliver the long-awaited conclusions of a study commissioned by US Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman. The NPC is headed by former ExxonMobil CEO Lee Raymond, who is also the chair of the study. (See link at end.)

In the actual speech, the “NPC rep” announced that current U.S. and Canadian energy policies (notably the massive, carbon-intensive exploitation of Alberta’s oil sands, and the development of liquid coal) are increasing the chances of huge global calamities. But he reassured the audience that in the worst case scenario, the oil industry could “keep fuel flowing” by transforming the billions of people who die into oil.

“We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant,” said “NPC rep” “Shepard Wolff” (actually Andy Bichlbaum of the Yes Men), before describing the technology used to render human flesh into a new Exxon oil product called Vivoleum. 3-D animations of the process brought it to life.

“Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with the continued expansion of fossil fuel production,” noted “Exxon rep” “Florian Osenberg” (Yes Man Mike Bonanno). “With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us left.”

The oilmen listened to the lecture with attention, and then lit “commemorative candles” supposedly made of Vivoleum obtained from the flesh of an “Exxon janitor” who died as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill. The audience only reacted when the janitor, in a video tribute, announced that he wished to be transformed into candles after his death, and all became crystal-clear.

At that point, Simon Mellor, Commercial & Business Development Director for the company putting on the event, strode up and physically forced the Yes Men from the stage. As Mellor escorted Bonanno out the door, a dozen journalists surrounded Bichlbaum, who, still in character as “Shepard Wolff,” explained to them the rationale for Vivoleum.

“We’ve got to get ready. After all, fossil fuel development like that of my company is increasing the chances of catastrophic climate change, which could lead to massive calamities, causing migration and conflicts that would likely disable the pipelines and oil wells. Without oil we could no longer produce or transport food, and most of humanity would starve. That would be a tragedy, but at least all those bodies could be turned into fuel for the rest of us.”

“We’re not talking about killing anyone,” added the “NPC rep.” “We’re talking about using them after nature has done the hard work. After all, 150,000 people already die from climate-change related effects every year. That’s only going to go up – maybe way, way up. Will it all go to waste? That would be cruel.”

Security guards then dragged Bichlbaum away from the reporters, and he and Bonanno were detained until Calgary Police Service officers could arrive. The policemen, determining that no major infractions had been committed, permitted the Yes Men to leave.

Canada’s oil sands, along with “liquid coal,” are keystones of Bush’s Energy Security plan. Mining the oil sands is one of the dirtiest forms of oil production and has turned Canada into one of the world’s worst carbon emitters. The production of “liquid coal” has twice the carbon footprint as that of ordinary gasoline. Such technologies increase the likelihood of massive climate catastrophes that will condemn to death untold millions of people, mainly poor.

“If our idea of energy security is to increase the chances of climate calamity, we have a very funny sense of what security really is,” Bonanno said. “While ExxonMobil continues to post record profits, they use their money to persuade governments to do nothing about climate change. This is a crime against humanity.”

“Putting the former Exxon CEO in charge of the NPC, and soliciting his advice on our energy future, is like putting the wolf in charge of the flock,” said “Shepard Wolff” (Bichlbaum). “Exxon has done more damage to the environment and to our chances of survival than any other company on earth. Why should we let them determine our future?”

About the NPC and ExxonMobil: http://ga3.org/campaign/lee_raymond/explanation
About Alberta oil sands http://www.sierraclub.ca/prairie/tarnation.htm
About liquid coal: Sierra club on liquid coal http://www.sierraclub.org/coal/liquidcoal/

Today, the Florida Public Service Commission voted 4-0 to deny Florida Power & Light’s permits for a proposed coal-fired power plant in Glades County. The $5.7 billion proposed plant would have been located just 68 miles from Everglades National Park heavily polluting the Glades and surrounding area. This plant would use 26 million tons of water daily, emit 180 pounds of toxic mercury every year, and further fuel climate change by releasing an estimated 16 million tons of C02 annually.

FPL faced a huge opposition from both local and national groups who recognize that energy efficiency and renewables like solar and wind should be our priority – NOT dirty fossil-fuels. While this is a great victory in stopping new coal development – Florida is still facing at least 8 more coal-fired power plants, and 150 more are planned around the US.

Earlier this spring, Citigroup and Bank of America gave $2.5 billion to FPL for new construction – and a big thanks to everyone who helped last week by calling in to Citigroup and letting them know that FPL was a bad investment! Your support makes a huge difference as we work to make sure Wall Street stops funding climate change!

Thousands of protesters have laid siege to the G8 meetings in Germany where climate change is on the top of the agenda. Germany was hoping to get an agreement among the worlds 8 wealthiest nations (and some of the largest polluters) to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 50% by 2050. Despite these emission cuts being far weaker than is necessary to address global warming, Bush refused to agree to them. Instead he forced through a resolution agreeing that the G8 nations would “significantly reduce” GHG emissions, without setting any specific commitments. In order for us to avoid the worst effects of climate change, we need to reduce global GHG emissions by at least 80% by 2050. Until then… TO THE BARRICADES!

Jun 7, 2007

Around 10,000 anti-capitalist protesters clashed with police and blocked roads to a Baltic resort where world leaders gathered on Wednesday for a summit.

Police turned water cannons on some 2,500 protesters in order to clear one of the roads to the venue for the Group of Eight summit in the Baltic resort of Heiligendamm. Police detained some 160 protesters in the skirmishes.

Delegates from several G8 countries, including host Germany, said the protests were limiting their ability to move around at the venue, a seaside resort on Germany’s Baltic coast.

Eight officers were injured during earlier clashes with protesters near the town of Bad Doberan, police spokesman Luedger Behrens said. Police “used water cannons twice after demonstrators bombarded police with stones,” he said.

The demonstrators were trying to block access to a luxury hotel on the coast in Heiligendamm where G8 leaders including US President George Bush were gathering.

By late afternoon, all three roads leading into Heiligendamm were blocked off by protesters before police moved in to clear a route through.

“There are about 2,500 demonstrators in the area and we cannot make any guarantees that the roads will stay cleared,” said Behrens.

One German official said the only way into Heiligendamm had been via boat or helicopter. Another said the demonstrations had become a “major problem” for journalists covering the summit.

“We’re stuck here now. The whole place looks shut down,” an official from one of the G8 delegations said by telephone from inside the summit venue.

Protesters celebrate

The protesters themselves were in a jubilant mood.

“It’s a great success just to be able to sit here,” said Gunar Finke, a student from the southern German city of Freiburg. “It’s only a symbolic step but it’s an important one to show we’re against G8 policies.” “We had a super plan and we surprised the police, who didn’t know how to stop us,” he said.

Akie Abe, wife of Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, was forced to cancel a planned tour of the nearby Baltic resort town of Kuehlungsborn on Wednesday because of the demonstrations.

Dozens of protesters damaged a steam train being used to shuttle journalists between the summit venue and the media centre in Kuehlungsborn. It has since been repaired but protesters were sitting on the tracks and blocking it.

Some 16,000 security personnel are in the area. World leaders are shielded from demonstrators by a 12-km fence topped with barbed wire.

The Federal Constitutional Court, Germany’s highest court, ruled against plans for a demonstration on Thursday outside the fence. But with some protesters already at the fence that decision had been made largely irrelevant.